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楼主 / 小纯洁
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:23
icewine 写道:
yes always~~
What a woman says...
This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears...
blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW! -
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- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:24 icewine 写道:
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.
"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says
"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"
Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!" -
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- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:24 icewine 写道:
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?" -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:25
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- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:25 icewine 写道:
this one is not hard to get...
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
one more plz -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:26 icewine 写道:
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?' 'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...'
@小纯洁
@一步一脚印 -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:26 icewine 写道:
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"
@枪枪与玫瑰 -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:35 icewine 写道:
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard." -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:35 icewine 写道:
There's a man who has fifty inch long penis. But he can't get any sex, because every woman who sees it faints at the sight. So he goes to the doctor and begs him to shorten it. But the doctor refuses - he can't shorten a perfectly good penis, he tells the man, but he does happen to know a witch who lives in the forest. She might be able to help.
Because he's so desperate he decides he'll go and see her, though of course he thinks it's all a bit odd. But he sets off into the forest and sure enough finds the witch sitting in front of her cottage casting spells. "Witch," he says, "please help me, I have a fifty inch long penis and no one will have sex with me!"
She takes one look at his massive cock and then says, "You do need my help. But you must go into the forest and find the magic frog who lives in the pond. Ask him to marry you, and each time he refuses, your penis will shrink by ten inches!"
Weird though this is, the man is desperate, so off he goes into the forest. And, sure enough, he finds the magic frog singing quietly to itself. "Froggy," he shouts, "please marry me!" The frog looks up, annoyed. "No!" he croaks, "I can't do that, seeing as how I'm a frog and you're a man." The guy looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches! It's still a bit long for sex, he thinks, at forty inches, but he's delighted, so he shouts back at the frog: "Oh, go on, please marry me!"
"No - I told you once!" the frog croaks, "I can't do that!" The man looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches again! It's now only thirty inches long! The guy thinks this is wonderful but, still, another ten inches off would be perfect!
"Frog," he roars across the pond, "please marry me!" The frog looks extremely annoyed, shakes his head and shouts, "No ..........NO.....AND FOR THE LAST TIME.........NO!"
@一步一脚印 -
- 时间: 2011-12-14 17:35 icewine 写道:
It's 2022 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. The first thing they see is a Martian couple. Mike and Maureen naturally want to know how they have sex. She goes straight to the point: "So how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Like you do, I think," says the male Martian, "but maybe we'd better check it out to be sure!" So, after some discussion, they all agree to swap partners for one night.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a tiny penis about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen, disappointed beyond belief. The male Martian looks puzzled. "Why not?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to go inside me!"
"No problem," he says, and starts to slap his forehead with his hand. With each slap, his cock grows till it's actually pretty long. "Well," she says, "that's very impressive, but it's still quite narrow...." "No problem," says the male Martian, and he starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his cock grows wider and wider until it's huge! "Wow!" shouts Maureen, before they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.
Next day the two couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike says to Maureen, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," replies Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," says Mike, "all I got was a terrible headache. She just kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
LAME Jokes from @icewine
