英文版 ( English Version)
September 3, 2017
My Dearest Daughter,
Dad and I are back home for a whole day now. It is the Labor Day long weekend. I woke up this morning and opened the “My Wellesley Schedule” to see what you would be doing today. Although we know that we leave you in good hands and that you are fully capable of living independently, I am still a bit worried when one of us is not with you. I guess it is a common feeling for a parent when their young adult first left home, judging from the “noisy” parents’ chatroom that we signed up for.
In many ways, you had been the perfect kid growing up. You were self-motivated, and disciplined. You signed up for the clubs you were interested in, and put your heart into it. We never had to nag you to do anything. Because we did not attend high school in the US, we could not really offer words of wisdom on how to navigate through the high school course selections or college applications, you did that all on your own. Now you are in Wellesley College, the elite female school that has trained some of the world most famous politicians, diplomats, public servants, journalists and business leaders, we can’t be more proud of you.
You are beginning a new chapter of your life now. The next four years will be a critical period at shaping up your value system and your world view. I should have nothing to worry about when you are in a college like Wellesley, I am fully confident that you will turn out to be a wonderful young woman with unlimited possibilities. But as a parent, I would still like to impress on you a few thoughts of my own, some are lessons learnt from my own experience. Hope you don’t feel that I am overbearing.
1. (First and Foremost) Be Healthy & Safe
Physical health – away from danger and illness: The Wellesley campus is very safe according to the first-year class Dean (Lori Tenser), but still, don’t be complacent when you walk around in the night, and try to have someone walk with you when it is a long walk to/from your dorm. When you go to Boston, go with a friend, and have your phone with you and bringing a charger. All in all, exercise caution when you are out in an unfamiliar place.
You mentioned that you wanted to sign up for rock-climbing, swimming or fencing classes, these are good physical education classes and good alternatives to class-room learning, but again, be safe when you join those classes, I don’t want you get hurt.
You know you don’t have much alcohol tolerance. If you are in a party that serves alcohol drinks, try not to be influenced by others and take what you can handle.
Mental health: The first year can be a very stressful time with everything new. Although the school has done a lot to get you situated and settled in, you may still feel the stress when classes start, especially during mid-term and final time. Do know that everyone is in the same boat, and it is not just you feeling it. Remember to open up and let others help you when you are feeling down. We are always here to hear you when you want to talk. There are mentors and counseling services to support you as well. Remember there is always a way to get out of any predicament you might be in, so stay hopeful and positive.
You may already feel that I am being unnecessarily wordy on the health and safety issue, but do know that only when you have a healthy mind and body can you function and give 100% of yourself.
2. Form a Community of Good Friends
You are blessed to be in a very diverse community with students coming from over 50 different countries. Some of the friendship you forge here will sustain you a lifetime. I don’t need to tell you how to make friends because you have had the experience in the past 12 years. But I do want to say that students at Wellesley are from different cultures, different socioeconomic background, and different upbringings, each comes with an imprint of their own family values. You will inevitably find that some are more prejudiced than others, some more privileged than others, some more judgmental than others, and some even meaner than others.
In time, you will have your circle of good friends, those will be the people who support you, make you feel good about yourself, and those will be the people you can trust.
Trust your instinct when dealing with people. If they make you feel bad or inferior about yourself, walk away. There is no need to associate with this type of people or prove to them you are better than they thought you are. They are not worth your time and effort. I hope you don’t come across these people, but you will meet them here or there going through life, consider it a bless because it makes you learn about yourself and about them.
3. Seek to Understand, but Not to Judge
This is not something I should worry about when you are at Wellesley. Your president, Dr. Paula Johnson, in her welcome speech had voiced her strong support for Wellesley to be a place that “embraces difference, stands for equity and justice, for the pursuit of knowledge that is based in fact, and for civil discourse that is inclusive while challenging in its rigor”. I am comforted by these words and know that Wellesley will shape the young women to have a bigger, non-discriminatory, and more inclusive world view.
However, the journey it takes to get to this world view may be different for everyone. In connection with #2 above, because of the diverse background and upbringings, you will meet people who are more judgmental and prejudiced, you will even find them offensive, and not nice. Don’t get angry or sad about it, treat it as an opportunity to understand their psychology. Only when you understand it, can you truly let go of what’s troubling you.
4. Don’t Be too Considerate
Huh? – might be your reaction to this advice. Parents usually teach their kids to be polite, courteous, considerate and sharing. You have been brought up this way. By nature, you have a very kind heart, can’t even stand to see a small animal hurt. I never have to worry that you’d be selfish, rude or unkind to others, because you are completely the opposite.
However, I worry that you are too nice, too kind, and too considerate, that you are not able to say no when a request is unreasonable, or when you are obviously being taken advantage of.
So don’t be too nice and too considerate of others’ feelings at the expense of your own well-being. If something makes you uncomfortable, just say no and give your reason why (it can be just “I am not comfortable of doing it”, or “I don’t have the time now”). When you deal fairly and honestly with others, they won’t be mad at you, they will understand and they will respect your decision.
5. Be Confident
You are a very humble person by nature, don’t like to boast your accomplishments, and don’t like to draw attention to yourself. This is the typical introvert personality, and often mistaken for lack of confidence. You will realize that demonstrating yourself is very important no matter what profession you choose later. People only get to know you when you speak of yourself.
Again you are blessed that Wellesley recognizes the importance and establishes the communication /presentation skills as the core of their curriculum. I hope you will take full advantage of this and get the professional training here.
A big part of being confident is to be comfortable with yourself, to accept who you are, and not try to be someone else. Each person comes with a unique personality profile. Like everyone else, you have your strengths and weaknesses. When communicating with others, it is important to emphasize your strengths while quietly improving on your weaknesses.
6. Choose a Major
We have many talks about this already. Working in the private corporations for 25 years, I have first-hand experience of the difference it makes when you are passionate about what you do, versus when you dread what you do. You should choose a field that you are interested in, that you are good at, and that utilizes your strengths. When you do so, you will have passion at what you do, and it will be a career, and it will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It may not be a field that makes you rich. But as long as you are happy, we are happy.
7. Fall in Love Once
I am not going to give you advice here, but thought you should at least fall in love once. College is a good time to do that because you will find people of comparable values and views, and similar interests. Remember that whoever you fall in love with, the person should love and appreciate who you are, not try to change you or make you feel inadequate.
Quoting the movie “5 to 7”: “Life is a collection of moments, the idea is to have as many good ones as you can”. I hope your life will be full of wonderful moments.
Although I want to impart as much wisdom as I have learnt through life, I know you will have to live your own life, make your own mistakes along the way and learn your own lessons. The ability to introspect and reflect is important for you to grow. I hope you acquire that ability.
In the end, I want to quote the lyrics from Bob Dylan’s song “Forever Young” and send to you as they represent my wishes for you as well:
（图片全部来自威尔斯利家长群，一并致谢！）
May God bless you and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
And may you stay forever young
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay forever young
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young
_________________
宅出风格，宅出水平，宅出安全
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